April 2008
81 posts
Boredom.org/yourmom.
I am so bored, I am going to cause myself physical harm.
I woke up at am AM hour all on my own, which is highly uncharacteristic of me.
I discovered that my iTunes playlist had a double copy of every song, TV show, and movie I’ve downloaded since 1954, so I spent the majority of my day deleting the doppelgangers. Keep in mind I have several thousand songs, so this made my eyes fall out...
March 2008
84 posts
New Kids on the Block to Appear on Today Show -... →
Franklin Pierce?
I must be a moron or something because I’m watching this History Channel program on the Presidents, and didn’t remember we actually HAD a president named Franklin Pierce.
Also, I have just learned that his successor, James Buchanan, was probably really, really gay. They did not cover this in Catholic school.
TV Review: The Dragans of New York - Discovering... →
2002 pilot never picked up by CBS starring and written by…Hugh Laurie.
John Mayer's latest odd blog pontification →
I can’t tell if he’s acutely aware of what he’s doing, or totally out of his mind anymore.
Man scammed by Craigslist ad →
karmcity:
Someone posted an ad on Craigslist with this guy’s address saying all his belongings were free for the taking. He came home to 30 people rummaging through his house. In response to his objection, some people waved a copy of the ad in his face, like it was some kind of binding contract. “They honestly thought that because it appeared on the Internet it was true.” Poor guy.
“You know you’re in love with a person when you talk to them for a minimum of 20...”
– From Be Kind Rewind. (via onandon) (via butterflyeffect) (via sothenshe)
Obama related to Pitt, Clinton to Jolie | Yahoo!... →
This article basically just said that everyone is related to everyone, and that Obama’s family were selective harlots who only banged soon-to-be presidents.
According to this same methodology, you’ve probably hooked up with your mom.
Get Smart →
Looks good.
Jealous?
I just bought the music video for Jordan Knight’s “Give It to You” on iTunes. It’s like 1999 all over again, son!
“Insalubrious.”
– New favorite word, thanks to the John Adams HBO Miniseries.
CLEARING THE AIR →
What a tool. The guy removes his entire backlog of posts and only returns to refute something that I know is at least partially true, cause I saw it back in 2003 on the Local 83 boards. Irony or dipshitism?
Typhoid Warning on L.I. - New York Times →
When I first read that headline, I thought it said typhoon.
Cynthia Brown gets around.
Can’t one only get Typhoid Fever these days when playing Oregon Trail on an Apple II?
Purell, people! Use it!
Tips: Jesus Died On The Cross So You Would Tip... →
Did Anyone Else...
Catch Hugh Laurie for an eye-blink of a second in the trailer for Keanu Reeves’ next movie? WTF?
South Park: Britney's New Look →
JetBlue to charge extra for more legroom | Yahoo!... →
Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean Goes Solo - Music News,... →
FOXNews.com - Texas Woman Sues American Airlines... →
STFU!
Not 100% Gay.
greer: really? you have the randy/abdul song going huh?
me: stalker
greer: actually, it says under your name...dance like....
me: I know.
greer: so i clicked it to see if you had..."dance like no one is watching" and i was going to beat you up for being 100% gay
“I hate seeing myself, but it’s even worse hearing my American accent. I...”
– Hugh Laurie, on why he doesn’t watch House.
AOL to pay $850M for social network Bebo - Yahoo!... →
Bebo blows. Who doesn’t know this?
Mariah Replaces Janet on "SNL" - TMZ.com -... →
There's a reason...
…why I haven’t played volleyball in 11 years. It’s because I bruise easily and hate sand.
Oh, and I also have 2627424 broken blood vessels all over my arms.
Maybe if I had knee pads and less shells in the sand, I would be less lame.
Ow.
JetBlue WiFi Action.
I have free wireless for an hour. Holler.
So, I never noticed this before, but the security line is a great place for people with foot fetishes or pervs. They make you take your shoes off and with all the clothing removal and/or bending over, one is bound to see something.
Hey, just saying.
If these kids sit anywhere near me on the plane, I will beat someone.
This terminal is do ghetto. I...
Unemployed, and Skewing the Picture | New York... →
Hey, don’t blame me, yo!
MSNBC Cancels Tucker Carlson Show - New York Times →
RIP, Tuck. I will miss your slightly homoerotic banter with Willie Geist and pointing out your weird bouts of facial impetigo.
Text Generation Gap: U R 2 Old (JK) | New York... →
“It is the airport’s discretion as to whether this will count as your one...”
– Transporting human remains on JetBlue
One of These Things Is Not Like the Other...
From the TSA’s “Personal Items Permitted in Carryon Bags“…
Cigar Cutters Corkscrews Curling ironsCuticle Cutters Dry ice Eyeglass Repair Tools Eyelash Curlers Hair Curlers Knives, only round-bladed butter or plastic Nail Clippers Nail Files Needles (knitting, crochet and needlepoint) Safety Matches (1 book) Safety Razors (including disposable razors) Scissors - plastic or...
What I Go Thru to Fix Flat Tires
Me: (to self) She told me to meet her here and she is so not here.
Hot Auto Guy: Hi. Do you need help?
Me: The lady from the front desk told me to meet her here...
Hot guy: For the tire? You can pull in right there.
Me: Oh. Thanks.
Hot guy: Sure. (to coworkers) ...Gotta help the hot ones.
The United Colors of Pastyton.
Apparently I have been living a lie. I’ve walked around nearly 26 years now proclaiming I was “Irish and German.” In fact, this is not so true. Irish and German, indeed, but apparently I am also hardcore English (fitting), Italian (liar!) and French (quoi?). The Italians are from Capri, and married into some French/English chicks, and hence the red-haired relatives were brought...
My “strip club bathroom shot” came out pretty shitty, but I did inspect the pants hanging over the door while I was in there, and they were a size 0. Harlot. The bag was mine, so eff her. Don’t ask why I was there in the first place. (The strip club, that is. Not the bathroom.)
I must admit it’s slightly bizarre to use a restroom which also functions as a dressing room...
Cutting Room Wordplay.
Me: Can I have a dirty martini?
Bartender: [undecipherable]
Me: Sorry? ...Wait. I just figured out what you were doing, and that would have been clutch had I not been totally deaf just then.
Bartender: Let's try this again. ...Hi. What'll it be?
Me: May I have a dirty martini please?
Bartender: How dirty do you want it?
Me: Filthy. Disgustingly dirty.
Bartender: Like, bestiality dirty?