Seriously?

• Tourist: (talking to me with my earbuds in) Is this the train to East Hampton?
• Me: No. Hempstead.
• Tourist: What?
• Me: Hempstead.
• Tourist: Where's the train for East Hampton?
• Me: (pausing for effect) I ASSUME it's on the other side of this train, but I don't work for the LIRR.